10 Things I forgot about Utah

This December, I went to Utah to visit my family.

There are several things I totally forgot about Utah, that I remember now.

1. It's FREEZING COLD.

I was all layered up, and looking ridiculous at the Long Beach airport, and then I boarded the plane. I was freezing the whole flight, my dude was freezing the whole flight, then we landed, and I physically felt the flight attendants open the airlock.  It's like those movies where a shock-wave whooshes across the planet--only in a Delta commuter plane.

2. Nose crunchies

In cold temperatures, your nose automatically starts running within five seconds.  You re-enter a warm space, and suddenly all the snot dries up suspended by your nose-hairs, like the dwarves in Desolation of Smaug:

And then, the snot becomes hard and sometimes sharp: nose crunchies.

3. Driving in snow

More specifically how  to drive in snow.  It took me awhile to remember, and it didn't help that our rental car was an automatic.  Manual transmissions are much, much easier to drive in snow.

4. Scarves are useful

They fill the gap between your coat and your neck, right where the wind sneaks in and tries to look at your underwear.  

Because yes, you will feel that invaded by the wind.  Because it is remarkably uncomfortable to have the freezing cold wind sneak through your clothes and get all up in yo' business.

5. The freeway is often fast

I live in LA right now, and the freeway is unusable during certain hours, but thousands of cars try to use it anyway.

Being in a place where the freeway is rarely congested, is pretty cool.

6. Humidifiers are necessities

See No. 2. Nose crunchies.

7. Nose bleeds

They happen if I do not have a humidifier running 24/7.  As in, if the humidifier is running 23/7, my nose will dry out, crack, and bleed profusely, in that single hour that the humidifier is not operating.

8. Churches and shopping malls are everywhere

They just are.  I do not know if there is a correlation.

If you tell anyone you are at the mall/church, they will inevitably ask which one, because there are so many.

9. Driving is a necessary evil

I think the main reason why Utah has the worst air in the United States is because it's so freaking cold.  It's unethical to make people walk in that insanity.  

10.  No fancy boots

If your boots do not have treads like a Tonka truck,  they will be nothing but futile against the ice that infests Utah every year.